Fostering With Birth Children

Many people who consider fostering already have birth children. If you’re a parent who’s thinking about becoming a foster carer, you probably have lots of questions about fostering with birth children, and what sort of things you’ll need to consider both before and after you apply.

 

In this blog, we’re aiming to answer some of the common questions we get asked at Olive Branch Fostering, and explain what you need to know about fostering with birth children.

Can I Foster If I Have Birth Children?

The great news is that yes, you can become a foster carer if you already have birth children.

 

Having children of your own means you already have plenty of experience in raising and caring for children, and you’ll be able to use and build on your existing knowledge and skills as a foster carer.

How Old Do My Birth Children Need to be Before I Can Foster?

Legally, there is no set age that your birth child/ren need to be before you can be approved as a foster carer. However the fostering agency or local authority (LA) assessing you will want to be confident that you can meet each child’s needs. This can often be more challenging when you have birth children and foster children of very similar ages or if your children are still very young.

 

Some agencies and LAs will stipulate that there needs to be a 2-year age gap between your birth child/ren and a potential foster child. They may also prefer that any foster child coming into the home should be younger than your existing child/ren, as this helps to preserve the ‘birth order’.

 

 

What About Adult Birth Children?

Parents with adult birth children often make fantastic foster carers as they have already parented through every age and stage, so have a wealth of wisdom and experience to call on when fostering.

 

Fostering can also be a wonderful option for empty-nesters who find they have time, space and energy to spare after older children have left the family home.

 

If you have adult birth children and you’re considering fostering, your assessing social worker will discuss your family situation with you to better understand how it would impact your ability to foster.

 

For example, if you have children at university, will they be coming back home during the holidays? Do you have grandchildren who you help to care for, and do they often stay overnight? It’s important to note that all foster children need their own bedroom, and so wouldn’t be able to share with a returning adult child or visiting grandchild, even on a temporary basis. So you’ll need to make sure that you have space for everyone who’ll be living or staying with you while you foster.

 

If you have grown-up children who are still living at home, they’ll need to be assessed as part of the fostering process, and have background checks completed, such as a criminal record (DBS) check.

 

When applying to foster, children of all ages will be asked their views as part of the process, but this will always be done in a sensitive and age-appropriate way.

Tips For Fostering With Birth Children

If you’re looking to foster with birth children, here are our top tips for before, during and after the assessment process.

Do your research

Becoming a foster carer is a big step so it’s important to do your research and find out what fostering involves and what will be expected of you. Take the time to learn about fostering generally, and also what it’s like to foster with birth children.

 

When choosing a fostering agency or local authority, find out what their stance is on fostering with birth children, and what support they can offer you and your family during your fostering journey.

Discuss it as a family

Fostering will impact everyone in the family, so it’s important to get everyone’s views before you apply. How you do this will depend on the age of your birth children, but even very young children can be included in age-appropriate discussions about what it might be like to have a foster child come to live with you.

 

You can also watch TV shows, films or read books that feature fostering storylines, or meet up with other foster families to give your birth children a glimpse of what life might look like.

 

When talking to your birth child/ren about fostering, listen carefully to their views and try to hear what they might not be saying. Children might be initially excited about the idea of a new playmate, and also keen to please you by saying ‘yes’ to the idea of fostering, but they might also have some apprehensions about how it will affect their day-to-day life.

 

Make sure your birth child knows they can ask you anything, and that there’s no question too small or silly. For example, they might want to know if they’ll be expected to share toys, whether the foster child will be a boy or a girl, whether they’ll enjoy the same games as them, and if the foster child is likely to go to the same school. You may not be able to answer all of their questions straight away, but you can reassure them that you’ll find out as much as you can before any child comes to live with you.

Consider the logistics

When it comes to fostering with birth children, there are lots of practicalities to consider. Here are some of the things you’ll want to think about when embarking on your fostering journey:

 

• Age differences of your birth child/ren and foster child/ren and your family’s preferences

• Ensuring each child has a separate bedroom that’s exclusively theirs

• Shared play or study spaces in your home

• How you’ll get children to school, nursery or college (for example, if they start at the same time but in different places!)

• House rules and expectations for all children

• How you’ll manage conflicting needs

• Ensuring each child gets one-to-one time

• Juggling appointments, playdates, meetings, contact with birth families and extra-curricular activities

• Making time for your own self-care

Preparing for transitions

Fostering comes with transitions, which can be tricky for both adults and children.

 

You can help your birth child/ren navigate the transitions involved in being a foster family, by getting them involved in the preparations for a foster child’s arrival, and also for their departure if and when the time comes for a foster child to move on.

 

Birth children might have conflicting feelings about welcoming or saying goodbye to a foster child, and it’s important to recognise and honour these. Many foster families do keep in touch with children who move on, whether that’s to another foster placement, adoption or reunification, so if this is something your birth child/ren would like, don’t be afraid to bring it up with your social worker early on, so you can discuss what this would look like.

The impact of fostering on birth children

Fostering impacts everyone involved - from the foster children themselves to their carers, birth children, wider family, and professionals. Parents who are considering fostering understandably worry if their decision to foster might negatively impact their existing children.

 

Of course, welcoming any new member into a family - whether through birth, fostering, adoption or marriage is bound to cause some disruption initially, and it’s important to be aware of and prepared for this. However, as well as presenting challenges, fostering can also be a wonderfully positive thing for many families.

 

Like anything in life, fostering comes with highs and lows, but being part of a fostering family can have many advantages for birth children, including:

 

• Developing their social skills by meeting a wider variety of children from different backgrounds and cultures

• Learning how to share and set personal boundaries

• Forming strong bonds and making friends

• A greater appreciation for their own situation and family life

• More empathy and understanding towards others as they get older

• The benefits of having a parent who can be around more, thanks to the work-life balance that fostering offers

 

Adults whose parents fostered when they were growing up often remember their childhoods fondly. So much so that many are inspired to embark on careers in caring professions or even choose to foster themselves later in life.

Fostering With Olive Branch

If you’ve been wondering about the possibility of fostering with birth children, we hope this blog has helped.

 

At Olive Branch we welcome foster carers with or without children, and families of all shapes and sizes. If you have any questions about fostering with birth children or you’re ready to take the next step on your fostering journey, we’d love to hear from you.

 

You can contact us online, give us a call on 01706 558910 or book a callback with one of our friendly fostering advisors.